you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
