we have pet lesbian snakes
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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