Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
