you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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