I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
