So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
