I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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