What a fucking waste of an outfit
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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