i think i have herpe
just one?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
