Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
