Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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