Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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