Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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