I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
