wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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