i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
