Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
