There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
