You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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