You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
