Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
