Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
