is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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