Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm sobbing to NWA
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
