I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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