haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
