Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
