unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
