I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
