i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
