do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
