As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
