She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
