Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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