i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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