so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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