They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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