I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
