I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
