It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
