MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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