Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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