I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
