Someone shit on the floor
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Randomize
