when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
