Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
