respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i think i have herpe
just one?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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