his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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