You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
