alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
