I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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