Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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